Discover each man’s thumbscrew: Everyone has a weakness, a gap in the castle wall. That weakness is usually an insecurity, an uncontrollable emotion or need; it can also be a small secret pleasure. Either way, once found, it is a thumbscrew you can turn to your advantage.
An expression comes to mind, “A person who lives in a glass house, should never throw stones.” Yes of course we could seek every man’s vulnerability, but, to what end? We are with the same activity forcing ourselves into a personal state of elevated readiness. I think it would be difficult to find peace or relax. Another expression, “Loose lips sink ships,” comes to mind and is associated with self-destructive behavior if we provide another person leverage over us. Pillow Talk has brought many a man down for certain.